Long time no hear!

I AM still alive - though not doing much of anything to blog about.

I am around, just email me! Thanks!!! D :)

Weekly Weight Loss Check In 8-22

Oooops!!!

I'm late this week. Due to Hurricane/Tropical Storm Fay, I've had other things on my mind lately! LOL

Well, we're at a stand still right now. Walking was OUT this week with the wind & rain, but I managed to remain at 148!! Yay me!! Stress makes me eat, so I did well there. AND....I haven't had one salad! Been eating lots of veggies, but no salad. The dressing kills me. I LOVElovelove Bleu Cheese! Highest in carbs & calories! I have been eating more fruit, too. I'd forgotten how much I like fruit. Guess I stopped eating it when we cut back on expenses, fruit can be a premium.

Back to the regular routine next week.

Fay has passed us without much damage or rain. Now it's mostly wind. She is headed out into the Gulf to restrengthen - geez! Thanks for all your prayers during this storm, they worked!!!

Will check back in next Wednesday with another update. Thanks so very much to all my friends for the encouragement!!!

D :)

Weekly Weight Loss 8-16-08

Well, last week I went back to my diet / exercise plan from a year ago. I weighed 155 pounds on Wednesday the 6th(Weigh in Wednesday). On the 13th, I weighed in at 148! Good start.

I am cutting back on my carbs. I went from eating whatever & whenever the hell I wanted to to 180 carbs per day, with 150 being optimal. It's not much, doesn't leave room for snacks. Sigh...but it's necessary.

I plan to drop to about 130 pounds by November. About 2 pounds a week.

I walk my street on Mon., Wed. and Fridays. As I get back into shape, I'll walk further.

Why am I doing this??? For me, for starters. I feel bloated & ugly. My clothes don't fit any more - I'm down to 2 pairs of shorts! It will benefit me healthwise as well. My diabetes, blood pressure & energy levels will benefit.

Secondly, we are having company in December from our friend from England. When she last visited, I was so out of shape I couldn't enjoy anything.

I will post weekly on Wednesday's with an update. Thanks for reading.

Say a prayer for us that "Hurricane" Fay doesn't hit us hard here in Florida.

See you again soon. D :)

How I feel about the current state of politics...

These 2 say it all.....







Very sad & funny, but true..... :(

D

Wednesday, 7-9-08

Hello!

I am still around, but just not up to posting constantly. I really have nothing to say of late.

Thanks to Ann, Rebecca & DaBich for checking in on me! My friend Mee is moving, so I doubt computer time is available of late. Hope all goes smoothly for her!

What have I been up to? Not much. Let's start with the 4th. HonBun had off. Celebrations & activities all around us, but it was too hot & too crowded to even think about it. We stayed home.

Actually, today I'm SUPPOSED to go to the Vampires for lab work, but I don't feel like it - I'll go tomorrow. I must go out to visit the kitties at PetCo in the afternoon to spread the sugar on them!

I also need to go to Publix for supplies. Got a $5 coupon off a $30 purchase to use by Friday! Need to order more vegetarian bologna, too.

Hey - I also have to go to the bank to cash 2 checks for stamping class next week. Yea, the summer schedule is great for me, I love not having to go out 3 nights a month!

HonBun works this Saturday, but will have next Friday off for it. 7-18 IS OUR 21ST WEDDING ANNIVERSARY!!! We should "do" something, but what??? All I can think of is lunch or dinner out - maybe a movie???

My spirits are at a stable level again. I am in a good/decent place right now. Went thru a real bad time for a week or so the end of June. It's just I don't have the motivation to leave the house. It's also very hot this time of year, I hate to sweat! LOL It's an extra excuse for me. Being by myself for the day is difficult. I draw energy from the people around me. I'm fine once I get out. It's the "getting out" thats the problem.

Well, that's all I can think of for now. I'll check back in and see if anyone stopped by later in the week.

If you do stop by, Thanks! Have a marvelous week and be happy.

D :)

Friday 6-13-08

Egads! It's Friday the 13th!!! Bet the video stores will be crazed with teenagers looking for all those scary movies that happen this evening! LOL

I want to thank all of you that stopped by my last RANT and left me words of encouragement. It means so very much. I take for granted that cyber friends are still friends. Shame on me!

I am on an up swing of late. This is very good as I was down at the bottom of the barrel for quite some time. I am in a good mood, for starters.

I want to thank my daily challenge partner, "Mee", for helping get my butt in gear! Yay US!!

Just wanted you all to know that I'm doing much better since the RANT below. Thanks for your thoughts & prayers & hugs!

Diane :)

Monday, 6-2-08

Well, this "post" is actually gonna be a diary entry - as I have nothing else going on to talk about.

Musings & random recurring thoughts:

I am F A T. I need to re-start my 150 carb diet & my walking. Reading through my old entries, it appears to have helped my mood as well as my middle.

I HATE exercise, makes you sweat. Blah. It's hot now in Florida. I'd rather lay on the couch and stare at the ceiling for hours.

I know - "Go out early...." Still don't WANT to. I have had little motivation for anything since last year around July.

The current regime of meds tempers my eating. Most days I have a snack & the evening meal with the Hub's. Lots to drink. Who's gonna care if I have some peanut butter? It won't hurt THAT much. I'll be better tomorrow.

I need to go thru my drawers and the closet. So much I don't wear, so much I can't wear. I used to wear a size 14. Now I'm at least an 18. I hate myself.

I am soooo ugly when I look in the mirror - how can HonBun not see it?? He thinks I'm beautiful. He's been trying to convince me of it since forever. My boobs are WAAY too big for my height. My teeth are discolored form a childhood medication and they're crooked. I sweat like a man, even when i do nothing. I have little cushioning in the rear end. things only money can fix. Which we don't have.

The house is filthy, by MY standards. I just can't get my act together. The bathrooms are in desperate need. Oh, I DO clean the toilet and occasionally sweep the main bath, but MY bath - is awful! I HATE shower doors! ARGH!!!

The kitchen floor needs scrubbing, it's beyond mopping alone. I can't get the bug juice stains outta the counter top! ARGH!! Tea & raspberry rings. The fridge is dirty, again - bug juice stains on the shelving. The whole thing needs a good sorting to toss expired stuff.

There is a coat of dust everywhere! The ceiling fans need dusting - the kitchen one needs scrubbing! The whole house carpet needs cleaning. The foam cushion around the doors to the outside need to be redone.

I need to get rid of more stamping stuff. Yep - even that has gone sour on me. No ambition to create unless it's at Wednesday night class. I am still President of the club and coordinate all the meetings & announcements. I gotta keep myself "IN" something, or I'll retreat completely!

I also volunteer for a pet rescue group here & go twice a week to tidy up & pay attention to the kitties needing homes. They are usually so sweet. I joined this on purpose, to increase my out of the house time.

I am going from working Saturday's at the volunteer library to being on the substitution list. My health has been interfering with my participation. I have had to stay home several times in the past few months.

I try to read. My concentration is short, so by the time I finish the paper - I can't remember what I've read! It's agri-DAMN-vating! Can't focus on the small print in books, either. It's NOT my eyes.

My depression is medicated, but not controlled. I still feel like shit emotionally. Had to quit my therapy sessions as we can't afford it. Just when I was making progress, too. sigh.... I brood over this for hours a day, wondering - WHY?? So many drugs. None seem to work.

HonBun said he read an MSN article that stated scientifically speaking, anti-depressants work about as well as placebo on depression.
Oh, freaking great! There's actually a slim chance the drugs will work for you, it happens - like a miracle. Most of us don't get the results promised. Figures.

My steroids are the biggest culprit, besides my overall health status, as a cause of the depression. The side effects of each of my medications takes it's toll on me.

LIFE IS NOT FAIR!!! I WANT A RE-DO!

I'm not happy personally or with the current state of my marriage. I keep HonBun at bay. I have built walls to protect my guilt and bitterness. I want to let him in, but can't find the method to open up. This in itself causes me frustration and guilt.

Additionally, I can't physically satisfy my husband in sex either. Partly due to my illnesses and partly due to the medications I take for them. I am less than a whole woman.

It's not that I don't WANT to. I do, but again - the motivation creeps in and the issue of - well, I don't get anything out of it usually. It's a bit painful. Again the drugs and my aging health issues stand in the way of enjoyment.

HonBun doesn't want to make love to a grumpy can't-wait-to-get-it-OVER-WITH unsatisfied woman!

Maybe I don't try hard enough, or at all. Maybe I've just given up. Besides - he has non-physical relationships with others that are far more satisfying than ours. He doesn't need me. I just wash his socks and warm up dinner.

I KNOW!! Snap out of it! Drowning in pity for myself. Put together a plan and manage to stick with it. Don't make it too grandious or you'll quit too soon.

Not that easy. The motivation-less-ness appears again. It's like a pool of warm, cozy pit of tar. You WANT to move, 'cause you know it's a bad place, but WHY?? It's warm & comfy - maybe tomorrow, there's always a tomorrow. Who's gonna really notice if I don't?? Does anyone really care?

Why is it Hon & I have always been on the short end of the money equation?? How does the current morons in our government expect us to live on what we are making??? Prices are rising everyday, especially gas. Which in turn increases everything else's cost. He's not had a raise in 5 or 6 years!!! The minor cost of living increase I get from Social Security Disability each year is laughable! Not enough to buy one of my medications for a month. Big fat hairy deal!

Why is it that those that we elect to serve our interests always do the things that aren't beneficial for us?? What happens between campaigning and election?? It rots! Fire them all!! Our choices for the next President really SUCK! None of them are in touch with what is really going on in our country. We're damned generous to other countries in need, but we ignore the problem at home. Oh, no.....there's no poverty, homelessness or massive onslaught of elderly people in need in America! Tsk! Tsk on you for thinking so. We're the home of the free and the land of the brave.

We are barely making it through each month. My lousy little bit from SSD helps, but there's no way we'll ever get even - never mind ahead. The future looks very bleak to me. Nothing to look forward to. Nothing. it's gets worse by the month it seems. Things that need to be done, go undone. Some are important, but there's just no room for it.

I worry now about my Dad. Does he have enough for himself? He lives simply and has great insurance, but SHE can be demanding and selfish. What will happen if he gets very ill?? She is in poor health and wouldn't be able to handle it alone. We don't have the money or room for both of them at our house.

I am so in love with our little Vincent. I love all my babies, but this newest addition does something to my heart the other 2 can't. He connects with me. They all love us, but Vin loves more freely.

Vegetarian foods are SOOOO boring. Every try I make at up-ing the flavor bothers HonBun's stomach. I don't HAVE to eat them with HonBun - but it doesn't make sense to make 2 dinners every night. God - I would kill for meat sauce on my pasta - or a meatball!

My greatest fairy tale dream was bashed to smithereens by just this factor. Money issues and very poor planning on their part. Now I sit here in a house I don't feel for anymore. It's lost the home feel to it, because where we were going was so much more like home. The love was there. Now we're stuck here, far away from the ones that we love - the ones that need us.

I'm tired now. I'm gonna rest my brain for a bit before HonBun comes home from work.
I'll write more at another time.